Your College Kid is Coming Home for the Holidays…5 ways to Navigate This Time Together

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​Photo by Chad Madden on Unsplash

​Finals are wrapping up and your college kid is coming home for the winter break. You may be excited and have all these plans for how you want to spend this anticipated time together or you may be feeling nervous about how it will go, especially after adjusting to your new routines and schedule. This may come up for you if your kid has been away at college for only a semester or if they have been in college for a few years.

Here are some tips to navigate this time together. 

1. Things May Be Different. Your college kid is now used to their own independence in college without curfews. They have found their new routines and schedules. This can be an adjustment as you find yourself reverting to being in “parent mode” while setting past expectations and curfews. Be aware of this. You may need to adjust some rules even if it seems uncomfortable. They may want more space and privacy. Pick your battles and recognize they have been living on their own now. You can still ensure they are safe while changing some expectations.
2. Your ideas of this time together look different. You may have all these plans and they may just want to reconnect with friends, relax, enjoy home cooked meals and just be. They may find all the plans, schedules and other obligations too much. Share the top things you each want to do over the break. Focus on the quality of time when possible.
3. Talk about it. It is important to have a framework and talk about how you both want the time together at home to look like. Listen to where they are coming from and find ways to compromise. Let them also know your wishes. Yes there still needs to be expectations and things they still need to, like laundry and helping out while being home.
4. Plan some things in advance. They may need to catch up on doctor visits and other commitments. Spreading these appointments out can help with them feeling over scheduled. Plan mutual things and experiences that you both enjoy. Embrace the traditions. Find ways to make this time together meaningful and fun!
5. Know that it can feel hard for both of you. They may recognize that home doesn’t fully feel or look the same, especially if changes were made to their room or other areas of the house. If you have moved after they left for college, this could be a big change as well. You both may be grieving this change to adulthood and loss of the childhood years.

Remember you both are navigating these new times together. It can be exciting but also frustrating. Be mindful of what comes up; talk together and listen with an open mind. Let go of some set expectations. This is new and you both are learning how to make it work. Celebrate the independence and growth your child has made while also continuing to be their support and guidance when needed. I hope you can make some fun memories during this time together.